10 Early Warning Signs: Identifying the Future Abuser

Teens have increasing reported that they are now or have already been in an abusive relationship. Like their adult counterparts, teen abusers may have certain behavioral traits that serve as warning signs of their potential to become abusive. While it is rare that an abuser will allow himself to exhibit these behaviors in the beginning stages of a relationship, abusers are incapable of maintaining allover control of their abusive personality traits long-term. As the abuser becomes more secure in their relationship, their unhealthy behaviors will increasingly present themselves.

In hindsight, most victims report that they had noticed warning signs that indicated their abuser increasing anger, and/or controlling, possessive, or jealous behavior; but regrettably they ignored or excused such behaviors. Akin to domestic violence, teen-dating abuse is defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors employed to control another person. Teen abusers tend to be extremely possessive and jealous, attempt to manipulate their victims by making all the decisions, make constant demeaning and/or devaluing comments which cause their partner to question her abilities and beliefs, and essentially hold their victim emotionally hostage by threatening to kill themselves, stalking, threats of violence, or by forcing intimacy.

It is important that you acknowledge any fears or concerns regarding your partner’s unhealthy behaviors. In fact, it is not enough just to know the warning signs of an abusive personality, but you must take action when something feels uncomfortable or “not right” to ensure your personal safety. Do not discount the power of your instincts, these suspicious feelings serve as your internal warning alarm, and they have kept you safe thus far. Do not seek alternative causes for your concerns or attempt to debunk or diminish your fears regarding his abusive behaviors; we already know that the level of violence and abuse will only continue to escalate over time. Recognize that you are feeling wary and fearful of your partner, also that patterns of abuse indicate that aggression will only increase, and that your intuition is warning you that you are in real danger. Learn the following behavioral traits of an abuser to protect yourself.

EARLY WARNING SIGN #1: COMMITMENT DRIVEN. This abuser claims to have fallen “heads over heels in love” with you, suggests it was “love at first site,” and believes you are soul mates. They will likely compare you to their ex’s, claiming that they have never felt so at comfortable, so “right,” or that they have never loved anyone as much as they love you. These individuals may propose....

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