In 2003, Dr. Roy Baumeister, contracted by the Association for Psychological Science, review 200 self-esteem research studies concluding that there was no real correlation between having high self-esteem and increased academic or career performance, nor did it impact alcohol usage or one’s tendencies to be violent. In fact, further research indicated that when college students were doing poorly in a course, esteem-building praise resulted in causing their grades to decline even further.
Be Specific
However, this data does not suggest that all praise is unhealthy or detrimental to children’s success because a great majority of literature shows that praise can be an effective, positive, and motivating force. Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, co-authors of the book NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, find that “the effects of praise can vary significantly, depending on the praise given. To be effective, researchers have found, praise needs to be specific.” Hence, making sweeping statements of praise such as “You are so smart” or “You are so musically talented” do little to increase your child’s drive or success. Instead, Bronson and Merryman suggest that praise be doled out for specific incidents of achievement, “You really did amazing on your algebra test” or “I was impressed at how well you dribbled the ball towards the goal, practice is certainly paying off.” Your child will feel as if he or she is understood and valued as an individual with certain strengths and abilities, while developing a sense of accomplishment and pride in those particular aspects of their self.
Mean It
Your children have spent their lifetime studying your behaviors, speech patterns, facial expressions and values, don’t fool yourself into believing that your children can’t ‘hear’ or ‘see’ your true intentions (...continue reading...)
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